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January 17th, 2009

06:25 pm:

Where to start?
What to say?

I so sick of being a third wheel.
So tired of being single.
There is clearly something wrong with me.
What though?
This never being with someone is making me angry.
This never being with someone is making me sad.
I'm not happy.
I haven't been in a while.
Should I have hope?
Should I bother with wishing?
I love my friends, I feel bad for saying this,
I'm tired of my friends being the only people whom love me.

Current Mood: Empty

October 12th, 2008

06:46 pm: Work....... has been so much work.

It's not exactly the feeling of being "thrown under the bus", more like being chased by the bus so you don't get ran over.

Friday was a long day of work. Had to load in a show for saturday. I am now the head electrican but I don't have the full knowledge that Michelle had. I'm thinking a lot had to do with job security. Well one other person could help out, but he clearly did not want to help me with one, just one problem. What was bothering the most was this happening to me while the show electrican was watching. My bosses couldn't help because they do not know how to really work with what I was working on. So I'm screwed because no one could or would help me. Well eventually things worked out in time and the show was able to go on.

I know I have time to learn and I will. What bothers me the most is that, out of 7 people that I work with only 2 are willing to help me and those 2 also have so much going on too. The 4 others are true assholes. They have no care anymore about where they work, whom they work with and how they work. The thing is, both of my bosses are great. They actually do the job they are suppose to. The job itself, though with some odd hours, it truely a great job. Flexable hours if needed. Decent pay if you're a good worker. You meet so many different people.

So why be such douchbags? I am thankful they hiring new people, with or without experiences. I can not wait for new people to start working so those 4 people will be gone. I know not everyone will be nice and cool. But they probably be better than those 4.

Alright then.

September 23rd, 2008

12:59 am:  
Work is going well. Lots of hours this summer.
The season starts Oct-3rd.
Because of work, I haven't been able to go out and do much.
I find that I like work more and more now.
I have no set sleep schedule, but it all works out.

I'm not sure how I feel about my lip ring anymore. Keep it or take it out?
I've found who are my true friends.
For some reason, I lost people that I thought were good friends. ---- oh well.
Not to replace the people I lost, but I'd like to make new friends and hang out with others more.
In the thoughts of like to have new friends, I realize that I am sick of being single.
I'm a good person, funny, smart and decently attractive(so I'm told). Any takers? friendship or dating.

I would like to talk to more people.
I wounder if it's something about me that people wont talk to me?
Let me know if you'd like to talk more, hang out..... anything.
I think someone would like to get to know me. I think?

Anyone care?

Current Mood: curious

June 26th, 2008

07:13 pm:    

So I leave Saturday morning to go to Hampton Virginia. I'm so excited to take a real vacation. It will be great to spend the 4th of july with Trish.

Other than that, nothing much to say. I work a lot. The money is nice. The new season at Macomb looks bad.

No luck with any guys. Same ol' shit, things seem nice then they turn into douchbags make me doubt myself.


Guess that's it.

February 6th, 2008

06:56 pm:   

So, for those of you who still log on to this site, how are you? What's new with you?

December 3rd, 2007

02:46 am:


Friday at work, I got to report my first work place injury. It only took 4 years for me, while for others it's take less than a year. What does that say?

I was up at the grid loading weight and as I was laying a brick down my middle, ring and pinky fingures on my right had were smashed. The ring fingure has it the worst. The nail is slowly turning purple. I've never lost a nail, so I'm kinda wishing for it to fall off. But I hear that it's a pain also. Oh well, only time will tell.

We had Hairspray in friday and saturday. The show was alright. 


I miss my friends. I missed out on spending time with Rebecca. I hope you had a good birthday. I'm sorry I only got to call you. Maybe soon we'll get to see eachother. 
Work has been long long hours that even phone calls hardly happen. I have a few people that I've been meaning to call back but by the time I realize it, I'm either working again or it's more than likely too late to give a ring. I'm sorry.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Current Mood: drained

October 18th, 2007

03:58 pm:    
I love how my dad can make me feel as though I have nothing to live for and all I do is waste my time and that I don't know how to think about the future. 

This was great to come home to, and be told this not even being in the house for 5 minutes. Im not kidding, I wasn't in the house for more than 5 mins and I was told this. 

The thing is, my dad is a good father and person. But I don't know what sets this off in him. Normaly if someone bashes on me I could care less about it. But when he does it, I don't listen because he's my father, but because he stands infront of me and the tone of his voice just makes it seem as if it's true.

He's right. I need to save up more than I have now. 
1: So I can buy my car and not have him bitching about it.
2: So I can move out and not have to hear this anymore.
3: So I can have a better relationship with both my mom and dad.

September 25th, 2007

11:12 pm: I've been thinking.........

So what if I'd rather build something than go shopping. I like getting new clothes, I just don't care to spend tons of money on very little and not always get to wear it. I like building something and knowing I did that.
So what if I'd rather go to a "dive" bar rather than a gay club. I don't mind either, I'm just use to going to bars around where I live, which just happen to be "dive" bars.
So what if I don't act like a "typical" gay guy, doesn't mean I'm ashamed of who I am or that I'm trying to act more like a straight person, I just do.
So what if I smoke, it's something I do. I don't like to, but it's a habbit and a hard one to stop. I don't depend on it, so it's not like I need to smoke every minute.
So what if I'd rather do nothing with friends or new people, I get to talk and learn more about them. Then we get to do things we like doing. I like being introduced to new and other things.
So what If I'm scruffy. You have no idea how much it sucks to have to shave your face twice a week(it hurts when you have a thick beard) and how much blades cost.

Lately when I look around and think about it, the more I'm my self, the more it seems I'm out of place. Yes, I'd like to be more of what others like and maybe ever want. But I know it wont happen. I do have confindence, but not enough to make good moves. I know it's a long shot to ask someone out in the first place, but I know it's much more of a chance because of the area/ enviroment I'm in and around. And the few that I do have an intrest in and try to talk to make little effort to talk back to me. Thus making me feel like crap. Then the very little times Someone has shown intrest in me and  made me feel like I'm worth being with, turn on me, lie to me and use me. Always makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong.

Why is it so hard for someone to be honest with another person about how they feel. Why wont someone make the effort towards me and show me they are intrested in me? Why wont someone take the time and effort to get to know me? Is who I am not good enough for people?

August 9th, 2007

02:25 am:

I'm so pissed off and hurt I can't even write what I want to in this. So many things about one thing/ person are bothering. 

Wow I feel stupid.

July 25th, 2007

01:28 am:  

I went down to Ohio with Michelle after work on friday. It took about 5 hours to get to canton. It was worth it. We just talked about anything and realized we didn't have the music on and we were about an hour/ hour and a half away from our point of destination. The reason we went was for her cousin Adam's wedding. But for her to see that side of her family too. The entire trip was extreamly nice. We stayed with her cousin Shana who kicks ass.

Michelle and I were more so happy to get away from the little things that were building up to make us mad. Really what better way to mellow out about stupid things than a road trip with a really great friend?

And other things....................

I'm enjoying the walks at night with someone now. I'm really happy that Rebecca has been serious about it. Makes me feel like it's really worth it for some reason, instead of just getting out of my house at night when I'm bored. I have someone to talk to and listen to.

The dumb ass fucking shit head of a "boss" we had at work turned in his 2 week notice last week.  Everyone on the tech staff was happy to hear about it. Our BIG boss who also doesn't understand working behind the scenes of things wasn't happy and tried to get him to stay. He said that he feels that the techinical director which was the boss above him treated him unfairly and made him look bad. And with all honesty he was never ment to work back stage at a road house. He's better off touring with shows being a production mannager and really not doing physical work.

I guess that's it.

Current Mood: calm
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